And My World Stopped Story of Jason Grubbs
My Jason was (how strange it still feels to say “was” in connection with my child) every Mother’s dream child. “Yes, Ma’am”. “Please” . “Thank you”. “A”
student, all through school.
He was tall, with big feet that I made fun of. He had big blue eyes, beautiful
curly red hair, and an athlete’s body. Broad shoulders, slim waist, narrow
hips, long, muscular legs. It always amazed me that he could stand against a
wall with one leg by his head while he was stretching.
He was a runner, a cyclist, a diver, a scholar, a prankster, a lifeguard, an
EMT. He gave wonderful foot massages. He knew when I had a migraine, and
massaged my neck and shoulders without being asked. He had my sarcastic sense
of humor....he did things like giving me, an avid Bama fan, an “Auburn” t-shirt
for Christmas....and expecting me to wear it!
His smile could bring the sun from behind the clouds. He teased me about being
short, and called me his “Little Mother”, while he was resting his elbow on my
head.
He knew no fear. He loved the ocean, and the mountains. He wanted to hike the
He won buckets full of trophies, ribbons and medals. He won prizes in the
Science Fairs when he was growing up. He rarely got into any trouble. Heck, the
most trouble he got into in high school was for not taking out the cat
litter...a challenge I remedied by putting said litter box under his covers in
his bed....he never forgot again!
He played football...cornerback, running back and special teams. Excelled at
all of it. He ran the high and low hurdles. County champ. He ran the 4 x 4
relay...they almost always won. For awhile, he was fascinated by pole vaulting.
Thank God he got over that....scared me silly! Went away to college. Tried to
break the hurdle record, but fell short of that goal. He knew he had done his
best, and was proud of his effort...he really wanted that record!
He did make a “B” in college...once. The next quarter, one of his professors
told me that he had never given a student an “A” before, but he couldn’t figure
out how to give J a “B”, so he had to give him an “A”. Graduated Summa Cum
Laud. 3.935 average. First in a class of over 500. He was a member of all sorts
of honor societies. My wonderful, handsome, incredible child.
And he *lived* his life...oh, how he lived! He packed more LIFE into his
way-too-short 25 years than many people pack into 80. My wonderful child, who
didn’t know the meaning of the word “moderation”.
J’s philosophy...if one is good, two is better, three is great! He’d use a full
washer of water, half a bottle of bleach and a ton of detergent to wash one
shirt. One scoop of ice cream wasn’t enough....give my J a half gallon. Why run
a mile when you can run ten?
He taught me so much....the sheer joy in living, how to laugh, how to turn
lemons into lemonade, how to color outside of the lines. He showed me the
beauty in a hurricane. He taught me how to love.
After college, he and his twin brother decided to take a break. They were both
going to go to med school. J was studying for his MCAT, working at a beach bar,
making ridiculous amounts of money for pouring drinks and waiting tables. Then
somewhere along the zigzag of life, he zigged, when he should have zagged.
Jason and cocaine became Close Personal Friends. The cocaine grabbed him, and
it wouldn’t let him go. So, that dark night,
When I got that phone call May 7, 3 years ago today, my world stopped.
Some days, I feel very sorry for myself. My boys are gone. Many of the people
that I had long considered “friends” are no longer part of my life...perhaps
they think that suicide is contagious. I regret the things that will never be.
There’s no one to understand why a ketchup bottle can make me burst into
laughter. There are no “remember when we....“ stories. There’s no one to buy my
purple hat.
I’ll never have a grandchild. My “reverse Oreo’s” will never again be. No one
else laughs when I say “Blueberry Bench-press”, or would understand, even if I
explained it. But then, most days, I feel sorry for everyone else, all those
who never had the privilege to know this remarkable young man, and his equally
remarkable brother.
My world has stopped turning. It’s broken on its axis. Today, in Jason’s
memory, tell someone you love them. Give someone the gift of your smile. Mend a
broken friendship. Let go of an old grudge. Thank God for your children. Hold
them close, and kiss them gently.
LIVE your life. Run. Play in the rain. Laugh. Dance, even if you think you
don’t know how. Color outside of the lines, just this once. Jump for joy. Sing
out loud, even if you can’t carry a tune.
And love. Most of all, love. And, please, please....say his name. Keep his
memory alive. Remember the vital, ALIVE young man he was, and not the tortured
soul that he became.
My boys....forever held in the Angel’s arms.
Maximum respect,
Brenda, Forever Red's Mom & Red Man's Mom
Jason 8/5/74-5/7/00
Rick 8/5/74-8/16/02; found 8/24/02
I swore I'd love you 'til the end of forever...
And forever hasn't got here yet.
When the sun shines, when it rains
Christmas parties, football games
Winter, summer, fall or spring
I see you in everything.....